Ondine

This morning I sit in a beam on sun with a light breeze and the sound of water lazily lapping against the boat. Blue water and gentle waves surround me everywhere rocking the boat to & fro. The slightest poofs of wind pop against the dark navy blue Bimini every so often, adding a different sound to the nautical melody that plays upon my ears.

Finally, I am relaxed for a few minutes and enjoying a cup of freshly pressed coffee while it’s still warm enough to enjoy. But also not so warm that it is creating more heat than I want so early in the morning.

It’s not too cold or too hot today, but the constant rocking in Vineyard Haven harbor woke me up at 6am. It is actually dry this morning so I didn’t mind coming up top into the cockpit with some blankets to temper my body just right. It’s already 7am which means I have an hour before we dash off to the next place in which I will sleep about 90% of the trip- and my life away. 

It’s already 7am which means I should start to hurry. Start putting away things that will move during the passage, and take a truly nasty, rocking and slamming dinghy ride to the some of the sketchiest streets Martha’s Vineyard has to offer -just to walk the dog. What at home takes less than a minute to get the dog outside for a walk or even faster when we open the back door, turns into a 3x a day at least 10 minutes each way (60 min in total) event involving a dinghy that I still can’t figure out how to use and walking past dozens of warning signs about not allowing a dog to go in the made up looking “pristine” spots amongst ship garages, the smell of diesel on a hot summer day and tools strewn about. Dog pee on that small grass bed would of course ruin the whole made up scene. So it is at least another 10 minutes per trip- or longer since I actually like moving my body more than a few steps at a time. This makes walking the dog eat at the bare minimum 2 hours a day.

When I crash (and I mean crash) into bed every night I wonder what the heck I did all day. I brought pastels to do art with. Yarn to knit with, a yoga mat, and books to read. But somehow day after day passes and I wonder ever so briefly after I read just a few pages before being taken into a deep coma of sleep how it is that another day passed and I’m happy if I just walked on land for more than a few minutes.

Yes I am happy. It really is nice to appreciate small things like stretching your limbs by taking full steps on solid land. Or the feeling of a cool breeze (or any breeze really) when you are hot.

Or the art of doing nothing.

No- I lied there.

There is no doing nothing. Just living is all we do. Preparing something to eat, washing the dishes from it, cleaning up, changing my clothes. Even washing my face and brushing my teeth seems like a lot of work. And a lot of time. So much time that these things kind of take the whole day.

Some people refuse to boat with dogs- too much hair, too much pressure to get them on a walk. And they are absolutely right that it’s does consume your time. But l love my dog that much. His excitement makes bringing him so much more worth it. But he is a time suck.

Yesterday is what Daren called maintenance day. We got fuel and water. We did laundry and grocery shopped. It was Saturday. Seems like a good day to do those things. But other than sailing from Cuttyhunk to Martha’s Vineyard (which for someone who doesn’t know how or like to sail is sort of like throwing hours of your life into the sea) and having dinner with our friends [and dog walking which I slept thru the 1st iteration of], we did nothing else. What would take maybe an hour or two for chores at home consisted of at least 6 or so hours of what shouldn’t be (especially on a “vacation”) labor intensive work. The level of exertion in doing the smallest of things combined with the lack of exercise leaves my body feeling like a total pile of complete mush. 

No lounging, no reading, no art, no exercise, no catching up on shows, no knitting- just keeping ourselves and the dog alive and fed.

We have and will see some absolutely stunning places. I’ve been vlogging the trip. These do not take a lot of work. I take short clips all day and in my years of work experience with technology and multi tasking I can whip these together throughout the day rather efficiently.

Look at this perfect photo! These are not hard to capture- they are everywhere. I picked those flowers from wild areas by the fire tower while on a run in Cuttyhunk. Cool huh?

But the vlogs and photos only show the beautiful stuff. I crop or if I can, never capture the many unsightly things right out of crafted, curated scene. You don’t see the dumpsters everywhere. Us taking out our stinky trash or figuring how to get pumped out. Recycling is an issue that we are temporarily choosing to ignore. The surroundings of boating areas are often filled with broken lines and lobster traps, utterly despicable bathrooms, sparse maritime stores that look like a sad mini version of Home Depot and slimy barnacles growing on everything you might need to touch during the day.

I like this, but I also dislike it. I miss being able to freely use water or taking a real shower. I miss not worrying about how and when to charge my devices. This is all very nice, even without modern conveniences, but not for a “vacation”. I don’t want to work so hard during my time off.

If we were retired and this was our life I would be all in for a month or two a year.

Being on a slip vs a mooring or anchor is better in that at the very least I could go for a run without being charioted to land on a dinghy. I ran a total of one time. I had 45 min before I had to meet Daren and ran with the flowers that are in that great picture most of the way. At a slip on the dock we can use water and electricity without conservation. But it’s still cramped and hard to cook and shower, it’s still a hike to pass the “no dogs” signs, the marinas and boat yards are often still very sparse, smelly and ugly places. Not to mention the heart stopping average rate of $8-10/ft per night during the summer.

I do love seeing places by boat. I truly do. I love Koji’s excitement when we get in the dinghy and he has no idea where we are going but he is excitedly up for anything because he is with his owners. I love being with my dog and husband and when we get to – friends, doing a little of nothing but existing. 

However, it’s not just the curated shots and video clips it looks to be.

I have worries too aside from this pretty great trip. I feel guilt sharing them because my problems seem small in a world where stable food/shelter/clothing is not a given. But I refuse to be another number out there using social media to only highlight the good stuff in my life too, adding to the fluff of it all.

I don’t want to feel guilty for telling the world it’s not all perfect here either. I am real and I do not have a great day everyday. More than that, I don’t want to be a part of the social media problem. I don’t mind sharing the not so great parts of my life because I’m a real person with real feelings and most of my life is not the perfect pictures posted.

This is the first time in 9 days I’ve had 45 min to just sit and think and write. It was quite lovely. The scene was perfect. But my coffee is now cold and it’s time to get up and do all those ugly things. Time to charge my phone again which mysteriously uses battery power 4x faster about 10 feet from the shore.

Maybe I’ll have time like this again before I go back to work in 8 days. Or maybe I won’t. What I do know is that while I do enjoy this and I am having a lot of fun- this really is truly for me personally a far cry for a vacation.

It’s a beautiful perfectly curated scene in which you can choose to ignore the ugly, focus only on the ugly, or find a medium in between. I’m toeing the in between line, but I haven’t been swayed to ignore it.