This blog is mostly in response to one my husband Daren wrote a few weeks back: https://darenamd.wordpress.com/2016/07/23/on-the-value-of-rituals/
We did chat about it that day in a coffee shop, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. One of the reasons rituals are so meaningful is because they trace something back to its roots and honor it in its entirety. But nothing really exists alone in its entirety. Anyone who is Facebook friends with me (and paying attention) has probably seen the quote I’ve had on my profile for years:
“When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.” — John Muir
I love that quote. I’ve used it in conversations and presentations in many forms. We can trace almost everything—including ourselves—back to the stars. We and everything around us are made of star stuff (thank you, Carl Sagan, for that one). If we really sit with that idea, it can feel like either nothing at all or complete chaos. But when we narrow our focus too much—when we isolate one piece—we lose sight of the beauty of how it all ties together. And we feel alone.
Our brains need to draw lines to make sense of things. But those lines also need to stop somewhere manageable so we can understand what we’re looking at. What I think is happening now is that the lines we draw are becoming smaller and smaller.
Take a shoemaker 150 years ago. He had a small shop in the center of town. People came to him for their shoes. He knew his customers. Everyone in that town had a role, and they supported one another through trade, barter, or money. There was a sense of connection—of being part of something whole.
That shoemaker made each pair from start to finish. He knew where the materials came from and how they came together. Every stitch, every sole—his hands touched all of it. When he walked through town, he saw his work on people’s feet. There was pride, connection, and meaning. Making shoes was a ritual. The lines were drawn around the whole process, and that process was tied to community and to people.
Then machines came. Assembly lines broke the process apart—not just for shoes, but for nearly everything. The lines became smaller. Instead of making a shoe, someone made a sole. Or hammered the same piece over and over. The ritual was lost. The connection to the final product faded.
Supply chains expanded. We no longer see what we make or who it serves. Many people leave their towns, commute long distances, and spend their days doing work they feel little connection to. Ironically, as the world becomes more connected, we become more disconnected—from what we do, from where things come from, and from each other.
I love Daren’s example of the record player. Playing music used to be a ritual. There was anticipation in setting it up, in placing the needle, in waiting. That effort made the experience richer. Now, with every song available instantly, I don’t enjoy music the same way.
The same goes for coffee. There was something meaningful in grinding beans and making it by hand. The waiting was part of the enjoyment. Now we grab coffee from a drive-through or a machine, often without even thinking—sometimes multiple times a day. And somehow, it feels like less.
Our on-the-go lifestyle has started to strip the pleasure out of everyday life. We’re less connected to what we do, to what we consume, and to the people around us. We start to see ourselves as separate instead of part of a whole.
Unless you own your own business, many of us feel little connection to the mission of our work. We become parts in a machine, disconnected from the outcome—and sometimes from our own humanness.
I see it in myself. I walk through the VA facility where I work, passing patients in the hallway, and sometimes I experience them as obstacles—something in the way of where I need to go next. Already late. Moving quickly. It’s only when something interrupts my routine—like having to go to another floor—that I notice the waiting rooms, the check-ins, the people. It’s only then that I remember I work in a hospital.
That feels like a symptom of something that’s gone wrong.
I wasn’t around in the days of the shoemaker, but I’ve experienced enough of the “in-between” to feel the shift—record players, cassettes, CDs… even watching my mom grind coffee beans at the store and then make coffee at home. There was more presence in it. More enjoyment.
Now everything is faster, smaller, more efficient. But to what end?
We’re doing more and more, faster and faster. But are we actually enjoying it more? Are we happier?
I’m not.
And maybe I’m not alone.
I don’t think this means rejecting the world we live in—but maybe it means choosing, in small ways, to step out of the rush. To slow down where we can. To reconnect with process, with ritual, with the bigger picture.
I find myself wanting that more and more.
Less speed. More meaning. More connection.
A return—not backwards—but inward.
Thanks for taking the time to read. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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Really thought about this piece. “Lawyer read it” examing your thesis and ideas supporting it.
Spot on.
Wrote several pages in a notebook dissecting it.
Brought it I think one step further. Those lines we make to make sense of it. I think rituals extend those lines and lack shorten them but I think that it’s the connectivity (disjointed life) that rituals bring, is the important part and it’s the connectivity that enriches human experience. That’s feeling of belonging and connecting with someone or something and certainly rituals help appreciate the connectivity, other things also help. Meditation for one. An understanding of what’s really important (my never ending value argument) for another. Trying to say it concisely, but those things help us be connected. But yes being a spacely’s sprocket (the jetsons) disconnects you.
I keep rereading this and while uts clear in NY mind I am not so sure it’s clear here
Thanks fratello! Mostly clear. One of these things I’d love to sit and chat with you about sometime. Let’s set that date for help in the beach house soon!
It never ceases to amaze me how we can connect with or relate to how someone else is thinking and not even know it. Just yesterday I was thinking some of these same things. Even though I am not a fan of technology and find it overwhelming had it not been for blogging I never would’ve read what was written here. The shoe has played a huge part of the last two years of my life. I walked into Crossfit with a basic pair of beat up running shoes. It was the only pair of sneakers I owned. I noticed that everyone around me was wearing Reeboks. Why? The coaches continually told me that I needed a flatter sneaker that is lower to the ground so that my feet won’t turn in and I can lift the weight over my head. I thought about it but went and bought a Nike running shoe anyway because they felt so comfortable and supportive. My running improved instantaneously. I was so happy with these shoes however they did not help for stability in my lifting. A year and a half later I bought my first pair of Reebok “nanos.” Cross Fitter’s all over the world wear these sneakers and now I owned them. I stopped by my aunts house one day and she told me to sit down because she had taped a special on 60 minutes. As I sat and watched I met the man who invented Crossfit. I learned about mechanics and movements of Crossfits and the benefits to our bodies. This man is a genius. There are Crossfits all over the world and can fly at any time in his private plane and show up at any one of boxes. Yes I said box. We aren’t a gym we work out in a wear house with no air conditioning. This man is nuts and I really like that about him. He had a dream and I am honored to one of the seven percent of people on our planet that do Olympic lifting. There is just one problem with his dream. Reebok sponsors Crossfit. On television he told the viewers that Reebok ruined Crossfit and that he hopes that some day Crossfit will get away from them. I now own the ultimate Crossfit shoe the Reebok Nano. I was so happy. The nano did what it said it would do. Over the winter I used them inside. We did not run we rowed. They felt good. Springtime came and they still felt good. By early summer I noticed that my knees and feet were hurting. I lost the speed in my running. The Nanos weren’t meant for running. The shoe laces got frayed from rope climbing and the rubber has scuffs from the black mat I pound my feet on. I thought back to the television show and thought to myself why would a billionaire who invented Crossfit let Reebok be the face of Crossfit? Did he not know that anything that that a company can get their hands on to make money will be done? If one famous athlete is wearing them or everyone in your box is wearing them they will sell like hot cakes. Regardless if they are quality or not. What we do is hard and demanding on your body . Why wouldn’t he be a part of the invention of a shoe that stands for what Crossfit is all about? Dedication, hard work, pain, victory, self esteem, achievement, working towards attainable goals and most importantly putting in the time to build your moves piece by peice. That is mind boggling. You can buy these shoes all over the place with the click of a button they come right to your door. The only way I learned about them was by asking others and reading internet reviews about the shoe. This year the latest rage in our box is the Nike Metcon 2. As I looked around for the past few months there are a very select few that still wear the Nano. The Metcon is the latest rage just a different company. The reviews of this shoe are horrible. No support and poor quality yet they are flying off the shelves. Well not really shelves but wear houses. I decided that my next shoe would be a better one so I researched the sneaker called the Nobull. I know two people who have them and even got a chance to try them on and jump around a bit. These shoes are made of super fabric guard plates that are water, abrasion and dirt resistant. I saved enough money and went on the web. As I was ordering the shoe I realized that it was tax free week? I thought to myself why wasn’t the discount coming out? I know I thought I will call them and ask. To my surprise this company only had an email site that someone would reply to my inquiry within 72 hours. Not even a phone number. I also learned that they are a newer company and that many of their shoes are out of stock due to high demand. I didn’t want to wait 72 hours I wanted to talk to someone. Back in the day you went to your local shoe store. Ours was Buster Brown a quality made shoe for children. Mr. Shoeman would come out and measure your feet and show you exactly what shoes were good for your foot type. They were expensive high quality shoes and made well. Most importantly Mr. Shoeman would spend a lot of time with you and you could ask any question you wanted. I went to catholic school and their was only one shoe for dressing up in the uniform and one pair of sneakers for gym class and that was it. My feet pronate. How do I know that these sneakers are going to work? Talking to someone within the company was not even an option offered. I ordered these shoes anyway and we will see how it goes. Is this company just the latest fad for Crossfitters? Do the individuals themselves who sell this shoe even Crossfit? Recently I purchased a product from Lurong to help with concentration. The salesman came to our gym and worked out with us and told me all about the product. With the click of the button I charged it on my credit card. Two weeks later for the tune of $45.00 I received more in the mail. How could that be? That isn’t what I signed up for. I called and the woman who answered the phone and assisted me assured me that she would stop this and that I would get my account credited but I would have to pay for the shipping to send it back which I did. The same thing happened next month. I called again. She fixed it this time but I had questions about the product. To my surprise she had know knowledge of the ingredients in the product and how it affected the body. Here’s a woman who assists customers all day long and doesn’t know squat about the product. Long gone are the days of quality and knowledge. We live in a face paced society where the motto is the faster and cheaper the better. What about quality? There is something to be said about small businesses who provide quality and customer service but where are they? A lot of these places exist in tourist towns. On vacation you can meet people all over the world who offer their talents and quality products. I find those are the best places to shop. Some of them even have websites that you can order from when you get home if you like the products. None of these exist where I live. I rush through the grocery store with my head phones on get in line. Once it’s my turn to greet the cashier I do so and make a point to talk to them about small things like the weather and ask them what time they get off of their shift? We are people not machines that function at the click of a button. I work all week and sit down next to people who have no idea how what we don’t do has an effect on patient care. We are here to serve our veterans. I ride in a commuter van and sit in traffic on route 66 to get down to my Crossfit box 4 or fives times a week because it is the only thing that keeps me sane and connected with like minded people who care about strengthening their bodies, coming out of their comfort zones and working hard. We live it, eat it, sleep it, breathe it and get up every day just for that. I spend an hour afterwards stretching and talking to people because it’s my time. Once I walk out that door the rat race begins all over again. We don’t make the time to sit and talk with anyone. If it’s not a text conversation it’s facebook or nothing. When think of the record player I think of the record skipping over and over and over again. That is pretty much how I feel about life. I am extremely blessed that someone did invent Pandora and that music is at my finger tips. My other time I call my time is music. I spend hours with my head phones on. At first there were two sets of ear buds that wore out so I switched to Bose head phones. I had purchased them for flying to drown out the noise. As soon as the music comes through them it’s quality and quality time spent in my dreams. While I am listening to Bach I dream of paddle boarding slowly on an lake with my dog. As I listen to Motley Crue “girls, girls, girls” before Crossfit I get pumped. Even though the lyics mean women and strippers to me it’s women wearing chalk and sweat in front of men who view women as objects. All of us are lined up throwing down weight. In my mind I only have one thing to say. “take your trashy lingerie, lipstick and bleached haired bimbos because a real woman wears sweat and chalk.” She also wears tears, rips and scars from the blood sweat and tears she has earned giving it her all. Suck on that! We as a world are disjointed. I am disconnected because I have to be. I make my coffee every night with the timer set. I make it because If I go to Dunkin Donuts I have to wait in line with all the others to be served something from an assembly line. It doesn’t even taste the same each time but mine does. I don’t like to eat out a lot anymore because I enjoy my own food and cannot stand sitting in a restaurant and wasting time. Each place has a theme and the food is loaded with calories. Which place is the latest and greatest? I am not comfortable in crowded places that have no windows. I feel like I can’t breathe. The VA hospital is an ugly place. I work above the wear house and have my window open even when the air is on. People often ask me how I can stand all that noise? I love it. Because in my mind it sounds like the block island ferry unloading the people and groceries it gets from the main land. As soon as I hear that I go to my favorite place in the whole world. We choose to live in chaos and theme park life styles but my mind is filled with imaginative places. You see there no one can disturb me. I own it for as long as I want. I asked my husband the other day if he thought that Crossfit was just another exercise fad. Our conclusion was no. It is the toughest thing in the entire world to do besides training for the Olympics. Atleast that’s what I think. I don’t know much about much and I am a simple person but if I was the owner of Crossfit I would make a point to visit each and every Crossfit in the world. Pop in and surprise the owners or work out. How does he know that people aren’t just muscle heads taking supplements and throwing weight around like meat heads? Do they coaches actually stop the athletes if their form isn’t proper? Are these so called “boxes” just about getting into competitions? Are they investing time in their members? Do they know or notice if someone hasn’t been around for a while or if someone is looking sad? Why are they sad? Did something defeat them in their minds? How does he know that one defeat for someone could mean walking out of that box and quitting is their answer. I enjoy quality time with myself but am thankful and proud for the few people in my life that take the time to listen and get to know me. Slow down people and look around. Their is beauty all over in the tiniest little things. We don’t have to travel to find out or keep up with the latest and greatest. Open your eyes to sit what’s right in front of you and enjoy it. Life is short. Live it and enjoy it to it’s full potential.