Week 3 – Still Learning a New Rhythm

by Daren & Esterina Anderson

Ciao, buongiorno. It’s Saturday again, and today we are writing from a beautiful balcony in Santa Margherita Ligure, Liguria. I can’t believe a week has passed since I last sat down to write.

Last Saturday we attended one of the local Market Days. Market Day is really a thing in Italy. While we had some experience in the US with local farmers markets, usually during the summer months, these have little in common with an Italian town’s market day. Each town in our region has a different market day, and some of them have themes. There are markets that emphasize home goods and clothes. There is one that emphasizes antiques. Others are more food-focused. In general, they start in the morning and last until 1 pm. Streets are blocked off and market vendors park their trucks and lay out their goods on tables, clothing racks, and display cases. Some are larger than others, but so far the markets we’ve been to are lively and fun. It’s early spring now, so the fresh produce is somewhat limited, but what is available is incredibly fresh. Artichokes are in season as are strawberries from the south of Italy. Heads of lettuce are gorgeous and so tasty. We’ve started building markets into our weekly schedule, testing out different ones nearby to decide on which one we like best.

Last Saturday we visited the largest market in our area, San Giovani Valdarno. There was pretty much everything you could imagine—from food to shoes to housewares. We bought a good amount of produce from a vendor for very little money. After we paid, Daren noticed the famed Tropean onions, so we asked for a few of those too. These onions are a specific type of red onion from Tropea in Calabria reputed to be the sweetest and tastiest in Italy. But gasp—the onions cost as much as our large bag of produce! We’re heading to Tropea in a few weeks to meet up with my brother and his girlfriend Mary, so maybe they’ll be less expensive there. Daren whipped together a beautiful meal for us that evening using the onions, some garlic, olives, capers and a delicious swordfish steak.

After shopping in the market we stopped in the square for coffee and a bite to eat. A lot of these little “bars” are really coffee and drink shops with a few sandwich and pastry options. There was a whole section of non alcoholic cocktail options, so we enjoyed a coffee and a NA Negroni. It was quite good!

Sunday we “wasted” (definitely not the right word) most of the day mapping out how we want to spend the year traveling. It took way longer than we could have imagined, but we now have at least a loose outline of what we’d like to do and when. The only trip we actually booked is the one we’re on now.

After some exercise, we spent the rest of the day on our patio reading and enjoying the sun.

Monday through Wednesday we settled in to do some work. See Daren’s post for more on our new version of work. Some of it was actual paid work, and the rest was creative—writing, updating WordPress, sorting photos, and communicating with people back home about business and house things. We can’t even tell you where the time went—it flew by—but it felt good to settle into a bit of a routine.

We cooked dinner each night, and made NA drinks. On Tuesday, we had a St. Patrick’s Day mocktail. It’s not a holiday celebrated here—there wasn’t a single reference to it anywhere. However, we’ve learned that St. Joseph’s Day (March 19th) is widely celebrated in Italy. Growing up with my Italian father (Esterina), we celebrated with zeppole. We also read that it’s considered Father’s Day in Italy, which makes sense since Joseph was Jesus’ father. But again, there wasn’t any mention of it in stores or around town.

Meanwhile, Pasqua (Easter) is everywhere—bakeries, grocery stores, signage, ads. It’s very clearly “advertised,” if that’s the right word. But St. Joseph’s Day seemed to come and go without much notice, aside from a meme that Uncle Joe sent in our family text thread.

Thursday, we got up at a leisurely pace, packed up the dog, the car, and some lunch and snacks, and headed to Liguria. We’re here for just three nights—and somehow it feels like both enough and not enough.

First, WOW. This part of the country is colorful and vibrant. Our landlord had told us about the cuisine here, and it’s exactly as she described. We’ll share more thoughts on the food separately, but for now let’s just say—it has been excellent. Seafood, pasta, and pesto. We learned from Stanley Tucci’s “Searching for Italy” food series that this region of Italy, also known as the Italian Riviera, is the home of pesto. And we’ve had pesto in some form in every meal we’ve had out since arriving.

Liguria stretches along the coast from the French border down to Tuscany and is home to some of the MOST scenic towns in all of Italy. If you’ve seen photos of vibrantly colorful buildings perched on steep cliffs descending down to the Mediterranean, there is a good chance it was from Liguria. The famed region of Cinque Terre is among the most beautiful.

Another thing that feels oddly different is the temperature. It’s technically the same as back home in Figline (Tuscany), but it feels so much warmer here. We’re dressed for late winter/early spring, just like everyone else, but it’s completely comfortable sitting outside to write or eat. At home, at this same temperature, we’d definitely be freezing.

Thursday night we walked around, tried the signature dish from the region: pesto with potatoes, pasta, and string beans (so, so good), and had a long, romantic dinner on a charming little shopping street in town.

Yesterday morning we woke up gently (with Koji licking himself) and went for a walk with him along the seaside promenade as the sun rose over the hills in the distance. We watched the town come to life as the morning unfolded: vendors opening their gates, men sweeping the streets, morning commuters on motorbikes heading to work.

We came back to our albergo (hotel in Italiano) and had breakfast, then put on our walking shoes and made the journey from Santa Margherita to Portofino. There is only one road into and out of Portofino. It is incredibly narrow and winding, and we’d heard that there is almost no place to park in the town. The universal recommendation was to walk the 5km (about 2.7 miles). There are two ways to walk to Portofino, along the road, or hiking through the hills on well marked trails—we chose the non-hiking route. The weather couldn’t have been more perfect.

The walk—and Portofino itself—was nothing short of breathtaking. We’ll let the photos do the talking. But we agree that this town is one of the most stunningly beautiful places we’ve ever visited. We spent much of the day with our mouths figuratively open, marveling at the view as it seemed to keep getting better and better.

Tired after the walk back and a day spent in a near-constant state of awe, we kept the evening simple with Friday night pizza, bringing Koji along to a small restaurant down the street. He sat right under our table and appreciatively gobbled down the pizza crusts we shared with him.

Side note: Koji is welcome everywhere. And we mean everywhere. We knew this from reading about dogs in Italy, but it’s still surprising to experience. He comes into shops with us, even grocery stores, sits at our feet during breakfast and dinner—even indoors. Dogs are truly and completely welcome almost everywhere. And he’s been such a good boy about it all (mostly)…

Oggi (today) And now here we are—this glorious Saturday morning. Still “on vacation” in the midst of our year-long sabbatical. We’re not used to this kind of freedom yet. There’s no rush. If we want to stay an extra day, we can. If we want to come back next weekend, we can. We don’t have to cram in every church, fresco and museum to make the most of it.

In fact, we almost did. We were this close to hopping on a train to squeeze in one of the Cinque Terre towns. But why rush it? Why pick just one and try to fit it all in? We can come back to see them all at a leisurely pace —and we will!

That’s the bigger shift happening for us right now. We’re not entirely sure yet how we’ll spend our time or how this new rhythm will feel. It’s unfamiliar, this slower cadence, this openness. But we’re very happy to be learning it, to let our mindset shift along with it.

For now, we’re just here—on this balcony, in this moment—letting it all unfold.

Life on Life’s Terms. 3 Years of Recovery

Today. Friday. A day off for me. New moon. 3 years to the date marking my sobriety anniversary.

I sit in the flexible office/yoga/art room. It’s the space within our home that is mine alone.

I sit in butterfly pose on my meditation cushion. I play a yogic playlist that I used to teach with and hadn’t heard in at least 4 years. It is familiar yet new at the same time.

The lovely backdrop of construction noise and banging takes place outside my door and below me on the floor.

In front of me is a pile of stuff that will be used “sometime soon.” Sometime soon started last June when our construction project began.

My husband pops by on a quick work break to say hello on the way to the bathroom. He looks in my office/yoga/art room and tells me the scene is “so you.”

Yes. This is me. Right now in this moment in time. Living life on life’s terms. Construction, piles of things, and me trying in the midst of it all to stay centered and be me.

3 years ago was a different story. I went to bed at 4 a.m. after being in the emergency room for not being able to come off a panic attack. I hyperventilated for hours. I had to appear in court in the morning for an arrest, so I must have slept 2 hours at most. As I lay in the ER hallway (because naturally there is no space on a random February Monday evening), I couldn’t believe the low I had gotten myself into.

I didn’t know where to go, who to reach out to, or what the next step was.

It was then I surrendered. In the hall of Yale New Haven’s Emergency Department. I took the first step that AA’s 12 Steps teaches and surrendered. I lost control. I had no control to start with. Alcohol had control over me. I accepted that.

Every day when I sat down to drink the first perfectly chilled glass of chardonnay, I would turn on my soap opera. Commercials were still part of the app I watched it on at the time, and there was a recurring ad for a program called Aware Recovery. Every day I would think that I should probably call them. There was no time better than the moment to look into this. I put in a request for information on my smartphone right there in the hall in the middle of the night.

Aware Recovery called me back the next morning while I was in court waiting to be seen. I remember telling the person on the phone where I was. I was expecting shock and disgust, but what the person told me is that they’d been in my exact position and they could help. I cried with relief when hearing that. Relief for not being judged. Relief for knowing there is help and knowing that someone in my position was able to come back from something like this.

The next few days and weeks were a blur. Aware Recovery stepped up. At the time, I didn’t know I would need to rely on a community to help me get through recovery or who, if anyone I had already known, would be a part of what I didn’t even know I needed—but it works out if you surrender. It is done one step at a time. Metaphorically. Literally. Step one was to surrender. The moment I did that for real, really real—the rest started to fall into place. You have to want it and to surrender. It’s the easiest/hardest part.

One still needs to work. The community can’t do it for you.

I can write and list all the lessons I learned, thank all the people who played a part—either willingly or unknowingly—to help, talk about the metaphors, the work, the yoga, my own journey—but I’ve done that many times.

Today I’m just thankful for where I am and can attest to anyone who isn’t sure they should, can, or want to quit drinking—that they can really do it. Life is better without it. If you think you need it, it helps you, or it tastes good—some might be true, but there are healthier ways, without the risk of becoming addicted, to get the benefits you seek.

I’m still me, only better.

This was me before—this is me now. I’m just not inebriated, angry, silly, prone to being triggered, or prone to risky behavior—drunk texting, flirting, driving…. It’s just me without the risks, calories, costs, and cravings.

I love to knit. Particularly to knit big, chunky, cozy blankets.

I love plants and gardening.

I love yoga and meditation.

I love reading, particularly spiritual books.

I love living by the water and all things nautical.

I love painting, drawing, and creating art.

Life on life’s terms. It’s an AA term I love. It’s not just people in recovery this applies to. It’s an awesome way to accept life.

I’ve been living through a construction project. My house has been noisy and dusty, and at times I felt like I have been losing my mind. The past 3 years taught me many lessons like this in different ways.

This is life. We can either accept it and feel free or fight it and feel like a prisoner on someone else’s terms. Life isn’t going to stop being hard because you stop drinking. But you will be able to accept life as it shows up without pain.

This is my life and I accept it.

Everyone’s life is different, full of what they love and cherish, and contains stuff, people, and circumstances that they really wish weren’t there.

Who ever said life would be anything other than good, bad, and everything in between?

This is my life. You have yours, and maybe your story—or someone you love’s story—involves addictive substances too. There is a community of us who have recovered from addiction and want to help anyone who wants help in the ways they know how to.

This is one way I know how—reaching out, sharing, sending love, and being available.

Namaste.

Thanks for taking the time to read. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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