shirley

I read a lot. When I veg out alone with the TV, I often watch documentaries. I don’t really know how I find these things (Amazon, Netflix, Kindle, etc have me pegged as a certain type I guess); but what I do know is that there are common themes. Mostly ones that would apply to a middle-aged woman.

One of the common themes is a main character who left their hometown after high school graduation and never looked back. In my books/shows that person is usually drawn back for some innocuous reason like a wedding or funeral, and  then find themselves entangled in stories, immersed in the past, and unraveling a mystery in which they are the hero or heroine of the story.

In the end they come back to their town.

I watch with intrigue but never imagined ever wanting to go back to my hometown. For the record I still don’t, but for the first time in my life this last weekend – I was intrigued by visiting and putting my toe in what always seemed like a waste of time to dabble in.

Like the characters in my stories there is an element of a painful past I’d rather escape. But in the mix are really, amazing happy memories too.

I’ve struggled with that.

It’s only in the past few years as I’m inching up to the age of 50 that I can see the value in looking upon the past as just what it was. It doesn’t have to be all bad in my mind as my brain probably made it out to be in order to cope and not get sucked back it. It’s a healthy reaction to trauma.

But truth be told, I had far more good times than bad. And it’s only now that I feel healthy enough to look at it all without negative emotion clouding all the good memories.

I lived in Brooklyn until I was 12, but those 6 real formulative years where you transition from child to adult I spent in Long Island in a small town often nicknamed “Mistake Beach”.

For good or bad, it is a large part of what made me who I am. There is nothing wrong with embracing what is and loving it all as part of life.

I have  been thinking about my hometown all week and today put together a little video.

I truly feel like I am in a place that I love every good and bad place I’ve ever been, any good or bad thing that ever happened to me or that I did. Because it all brought me to here where self-inquiry and self-reflection have a meaningful place with 47 years of experience to draw upon to be a better and healthier person for the second half of my life.

I’m grateful for all of it. Today in particular I’m grateful for Mastic Beach – my Hometown. No more hiding from the past.