gratitude

You are the most important person to worry about. Give your time and attention to yourself first.
Giving to others is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
Giving to those who are not in gratitude is a waste of the world’s resources – including your own unique gifts and energy.

When I was in elementary school and learned to write; then later in life when I learned how to facilitate meetings I learned: 1) Tell them what you are going to tell them. 2) Tell them. 3) Tell them what you told them.

There is a body of literature about whether or not mention what you don’t want in your life. I mostly agree that we shouldn’t picture what we would like to avoid, but in the case of this blog, I’m going to stick with how the Yamas and Niyamas are explained. In yogic traditions, the Yamas and Niyamas are what govern ethical parameters. The yamas start out with the don’ts.

You are the most important person to worry about. Give your time and attention to yourself first.

This doesn’t mean buy yourself presents. This is not a justification to be selfish. This is no reason not to keep promises, let others down, ignore how you’ve hurt people, or be mean. I can go on.

What this means is akin to your car not running if you do not put gas in it. Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep. Fuel up on nourishment that makes you your best. Nourishment not just in the way of food, but of things that fill your heart – like spending time with friends or loved ones, being in nature, taking a bath, meditating or praying.

The specifics are different for each of us. It’s not monetary. Items outside of ourselves can never provide lasting inner joy the way taking care of ourselves can. What fills your heart and soul? Do that. Make sure you are filled so you can fill others.

Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare ~Audre Lorde

Giving to others is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

Giving to others can be the most selfish form of feeling good. This is a way in which its ok to be selfish, because you are spreading your gifts, your love and the things that were given to you. There is oodles and oodles of evidence, both scientific and purely experience-based confirming that giving is selfish and feels far better that expecting or receiving anything from anyone. This is non-debatable. If you disagree you likely did not give properly from your heart at any point.

This doesn’t mean birthday and holiday presents. It’s not the obligatory presence at some party or event for a relative you don’t know. It’s giving because you know someone needs or wants something and you do it from the heart.

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle ~James Keller.

Giving to those who are not in gratitude is a waste of the world’s resources – including your own unique gifts and energy.

Whether or not you are Christian most of us can agree that a very enlightened man who we know today as Jesus Christ walked the earth and made a lasting impact on future generations.

Jesus did not give to the rich. He didn’t even associate with the well-to-do or spread his knowledge to them. Why? Well the obvious is that they didn’t need anything material from him, but why did he spend most of his time preaching amongst the poor?

Perhaps because he was able to discern that it would not be appreciated or accepted by people of means and he used his limited energy on those who could understand the messages about taking care of one another. He didn’t bother to waste his own unique gifts and words on those not in gratitude to receive his gifts.

I’ve learned this the hard way. I’ve spent way too much time trying to give and please family members, old friends, extended family, in-law family, teachers, bosses… you name it; on individuals who in no way recognized, cared for or were in gratitude for efforts that I did not have to make. It was draining. I felt used. But to be honest it wasn’t anything they asked for – it was only me trying to make people I cared about happy.

There is a difference between thanks and gratitude. It is wasted if it’s not received with pleasure. Thank you is just consciousness of the benefit received, perhaps a fleeting excitement. Gratitude is deep appreciation and the willingness to want to do something in return either for the giver or the world, knowing that we shouldn’t expect anything, and when we do it’s a gift to be shared. It’s almost a way of life.

Don’t drain yourself. Give to those who appreciate and will be in gratitude. Live in gratitude yourself so you can recognize it. Again – so much literature about how even being in gratitude can make you happy. Evidence and experienced based literature.

Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.” – Henry Ward Beecher

You are the most important person to worry about. Give your time and attention to yourself first.
Giving to others is the greatest gift you can give yourself.
Giving to those who are not in gratitude is a waste of the world’s resources – including your own unique gifts and energy.

And this is why you are the MOST important person on your gift list.

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Sunday mornings always had a feel to me of a new dawning. No matter where I’ve been on a Sunday morning, I have felt a certain vibe in the air that the day is even fresher than the Saturday and weekday mornings before it.

In cities coffee shops are just opening, few cars are in movement on the streets, and most stores are closed. There is a certain quiet in the air. Softer movements. A slower vibe.

In suburban and rural towns, the atmosphere also has a peaceful quality. The strip mall lots and main streets are mostly empty except perhaps for a convenience store, gas station or breakfast shop.

Sunday morning is not quite as exciting to me as Saturday morning. Saturday morning is about chores, shopping, making plans for the evening. Sunday for me is more about taking time to wake up; enjoying my cup of coffee longer, mentally and physically getting ready for the week ahead, and having a whole day ahead of me to do so.

This cloudy, albeit beautiful morning is so very typical at this time in my life. I am up before anyone else at the moment. I came downstairs to the main kitchen/living area and it looks like (what we like to say) a bomb. But it is a bomb that I love. This scene is a snapshot in time; my life at almost 43; my family; where I happen to be in the world.

On Sunday morning my house often has blankets strewn about the couches, the floor and perhaps even a kitchen chair. Yesterday’s paper is usually lying about in a neat heap still waiting to be read. The cats are milling and meowing like crazy for their morning meal of a little wet food. The counters and coffee table will often have mostly empty popcorn or snack bowls. A cold tea bag sitting in an empty Starbucks mug from one of the cities we have visited. More often than not there is an espresso cup somewhere with a small circle of the dried, dark remnants sitting at the bottom. An open, unfinished bottle of wine sits on the counter with an accompanying wine glass or two in either the sink with an amount too small to finish lying in the lowest nook of the glass, or haphazardly rinsed and left in the dish drain to dry. It’s not difficult to see what we did before bed, be it a puzzle, a card game, or just some movies, since the TV remotes or pieces of whatever we were doing are mostly left where we had them when everyone retired for bed.

I will either be up alone or with the hubby. The first order of business is to start the coffee. Then we quiet the little milling lions who get increasingly vocal by the second until they receive their ever-so-desired wet, stinky cat food. Either alone or splitting up the tasks, we will start to load the dishwasher, open the blinds, fold the blankets and put the house back in order.

Today I’m alone. I woke up before Daren, excited to begin a new day and continue to work on a painting that I am in the midst of completing. I cleaned up the house and then sat on the living room floor with two pillows beneath me facing the East to do some morning breathing and meditation. It’s a cloudy, dreary and gray morning; but beautiful none-the-less. The sun is still making its way up and about and brightening the day, even though we can’t see it.

I couldn’t help but take a picture of the scene I was looking at. Every morning it looks different. Even in its drab form, this morning was picturesque to me. I stepped outside to get a closer shot and the air felt SO fresh and cool, I didn’t want to go back in. But I did – simply to get a chair and two blankets to take my morning practices outside.

It feels like Sunday. Even in February, birds are singing. I can’t see the town or even much of our neighborhood from the back porch, but none-the-less it has the Sunday morning vibe of serenity that I enjoy so much.

Nothing exciting, but I am feeling intense gratitude and oneness with the world at the moment. A snapshot in time. It’s just a beautiful and precious Sunday morning.

The page has turned. The week, day & month are fresh. We write the story, whether we do so intentionally or not. Be mindful of your thoughts.

Namaste.