Journey Through the Self: Exploring the Five Koshas in Yoga

Posted on by Esterina Anderson

“Yoga is the journey of the self, through the self, to the self.”
– Bhagavad Gita

In the ancient Vedic texts, we find a beautiful framework for understanding the self beyond the physical body. Known as the Panchamaya Kosha system, this five-layered model is still embraced by yoga therapists today as a holistic map for healing and self-discovery.

Each kosha, or “sheath,” represents a different layer of our being—from the tangible to the most subtle essence of who we are. These sheaths are energetic in nature.

Since this is a conceptual idea, it’s not easily visualized. This is an artistic rendition I created, using inspiration from search engines, to give the model a visual form.

Let’s take a guided journey through each layer, pausing along the way to reflect, breathe, and connect.

Annamaya Kosha: The Physical Body

The outermost layer is the Annamaya Kosha, often referred to as the “food body.” Annamaya derives from the words anna (food) and maya (made of), signifying that the body is composed of physical matter sustained by food. It is the densest of the five koshas and the layer most familiar to us—the physical body that we see and touch.

According to the Bhagavad Gita, it is the body that allows us to engage with the material world and fulfill our physical needs.

Yoga asana (postures) help us strengthen and care for this layer. But it’s only the beginning.

Beyond our physical body exists a subtler, more energetic presence—what the yogis call the life force or prana. This leads us to the next kosha: Pranamaya Kosha.

Pranamaya Kosha – The Breath or Energy Body

Beneath the surface of what we see and touch lies a subtler layer of our being—the Pranamaya Kosha, or breath body. This sheath is composed of prana, the vital life energy that flows through and animates us. It is this energy that sustains every physical and mental function. It’s not too dissimilar to “chi,” as known in Chinese traditions.

This kosha both surrounds and penetrates the Annamaya Kosha, flowing through subtle channels known as nadis—akin to the meridians in Traditional Chinese Medicine. Ancient texts speak of nearly 72,000 nadis crisscrossing our being, creating an intricate web of energy distribution as sophisticated as our physical body.

It is said that when this energetic layer is vibrant and balanced, it manifests as vitality, clarity, and resilience. An imbalanced or blocked pranic flow, on the other hand, can lead to physical fatigue, emotional disturbances, or even illness.

Because prana is intimately tied to the breath, pranayama (breath control) becomes a key yogic tool to nourish and regulate this sheath. Practices such as deep diaphragmatic breathing, alternate nostril breathing (nadi shodhana), and kapalabhati invigorate and purify the Pranamaya Kosha, enhancing the flow of energy throughout the body.

Breath becomes the bridge between the body and the mind. As you become more aware of your breath, you tap into the present moment, calming the nervous system and centering the mind.

Manomaya Kosha: The Mental Sheath

The Manomaya Kosha is the “mental sheath,” representing the mind and emotions. It is associated with our thoughts, feelings, and mental patterns, known in Sanskrit as vrittis. This kosha encompasses the mental body—our emotional responses, internal dialogue, and perceptions of the world.

As one of the more subtle layers of our being, the Manomaya Kosha significantly influences how we interpret experiences and impacts our overall well-being. The mind shapes our interactions with the world and colors our experiences with judgment, attachment, and preference.

Cultivating mindfulness is key to mastering this sheath. By learning to observe our thoughts without attachment, we can begin to detach from mental chatter and emotional turbulence. Meditation is a powerful tool for calming the mind and finding inner stillness.

🧘‍♂️ Practice Tip: Let your thoughts come and go without judgment. Be the observer, not the story.

Vijnanamaya Kosha – The Wisdom Body

This kosha is the intellectual or wisdom sheath, housing our intuition, discernment, and inner knowing. It’s the layer of deep insight that enables us to distinguish truth from illusion, and ego from the true Self.

“Listen beyond your thoughts to the quiet wisdom within.”

This sheath transcends ordinary thinking. It’s where we connect with spiritual insight and our inner compass, guiding us toward Svadharma—our true calling.

This kosha is about deep understanding—not just of the world, but of our true nature.

Last night I taught a class and went through this exercise to describe what the 3rd and 4th kosha might look like.

Close your eyes and picture a bright red triangle.
Where did it come from? Your thoughts created it, but it isn’t real. I suggested it, but the image itself is imaginary.
Now ask: Who is seeing that triangle?
It’s not your thoughts—they made it. The one seeing it is the witness. That part of you is real. It watches your thoughts come and go without being them.

The red triangle will fade with the next thought, but the witness remains. It observes what arises—whether from outside influence, subconscious memory, or your own deeper wisdom.

Now, imagine that red triangle turning into a dark purple circle.
Who made that change? Who watched it happen?

This is the heart of self-awareness: You are not your thoughts.
Thoughts pass through like weather. But if you’re not aware, they shape your emotions, breath, and even your body.


The wisdom body discerns the difference between the thoughts and emotions (Manomaya Kosha) and the witness who is unaffected by the thoughts (next kosha). However, your thoughts and emotions do affect your breath and ultimately your physical body. So mind your thoughts!

Anandamaya Kosha – The Bliss Body

At the center of all the koshas lies the Anandamaya Kosha, known as the “bliss body.” This is the most subtle and innermost layer of our being—beyond the physical, energetic, mental, and wisdom layers. It represents our pure essence, a state of peace, joy, and spiritual bliss.

This kosha isn’t shaped by thoughts, emotions, or material form. Instead, it is pure being—the unchanging, eternal part of us, often touched during deep meditation, savasana, or moments of transcendence in everyday life.

It embodies Sat-Chit-Ananda—existence, consciousness, and bliss—where the ego dissolves and unity with all of creation is felt. These aren’t fleeting emotions but deep, abiding joy and contentment, experienced when we are in perfect alignment with our true self.

Practices like meditation, mindfulness, and present-moment awareness help us access this layer. In yoga, it’s the ultimate experience—being one with the divine, at peace, beyond form.

You might even say this is Your Spirit. There’s another blog I wrote just a few weeks ago about this place: https://esterinaanderson.com/2025/02/12/on-your-spirit/

Integrating the Five Koshas

Yoga is not just about stretching our bodies—it’s about integrating all parts of our being: body, breath, mind, wisdom, and spirit. As we journey inward, we realize that these layers are not separate, but interwoven—each one informing and supporting the others.

By nurturing all five koshas, we move closer to our true Self—the eternal spark of consciousness that yoga ultimately helps us remember.

Namaste,

Esterina

On Your Spirit

Posted on by Esterina Anderson

There is a part of you that cannot die. 

Nothing can hurt it. 

It can’t hurt anyone else.

That part of you is incapable of judging. 

It’s unable to get riled up. 

It purely is a witness to the world around it. 

That part of you accepts life on life’s terms. 

That part of you is connected to everything else in the universe. 

It is part of the universal consciousness that just witnesses life as it unfolds. 

 

It’s not happy, sad, or in favor of anyone or anything. It has no ties to the outcome of a single thing. It just is. 

 

Content. Accepting. Peaceful

 

That part is your Everlasting Soul. 

 

It sounds like a creepy church thing (to me). But when I take a step back from those words I personally associate with creepy or religious, I realize that the Bible, the Torah, the Quran, the Bhagavad Gita, Hinduism, Buddhism…. all say the same thing. All say we have a soul, spirit, or any word you care to use.

 

All these teachings tell us our soul is imperishable and connected to everything else in the universe. 

 

All these teachings tell us that we can tap into this part of ourselves through prayer, meditation or other forms of contemplation.

 

All these teachings promise that connecting with the deeper source helps us to tune out the noise of the outside world and experience bliss through complete peace. 

 

We all have access to this peace at any moment. Sometimes we find it by accident while walking, looking at a beautiful picture, listening to a piece of music, watching the birds, connecting with another human, or even in a yoga class. There is no right or wrong way to commune with Spirit.

 

What if we saw these great teachings as the allegories they were meant to be and listened to the common themes? 

 

There are so many common themes in these texts. The focus here is on the commonality of spirit and that all the scriptures tell us that our real essence(spirit/soul) simply cannot die. That part lives on past our body’s expiration. 

 

Consider this very special gift, that is not a secret, that every religion, mystic, sage, philosopher, and wisdom teacher has been telling us since the beginning of time. 

 

 

This all sounds lovely, but how is it applied to real life? What does it mean? 

 

Last week in the yoga classes I taught, I used a quote from the 13th century Sufi poet Rumi that says:

 

“There is a voice that doesn’t use words, listen” ~Rumi

 

I hear from so many people that they do not feel connected to a higher power and that something within them longs for it. They look in churches, synagogues, and books for the answers because it is where we have been taught to look.  

 

Personally I am not sure any religion has yet to nail down the perfect prescription for connecting to our souls, but they all have certainly tried and each in its own way has advised us to look no further than within. 

 

“What you seek is seeking you” ~Rumi

 

I can sometimes find this inner peace. In my personal experience I am unable to connect to the spirituality I’m seeking through my brain on an intellectual level. I connect when I shut down thinking and just allow myself to be. 

 

These connections can take place through prayer or meditation. The key is to turn off the non-stop chatterbox voice in your head. The voice that is generated from the brain. 

 

Your spirit is not the voice you hear. The voice is not the real you, the real you is what is hearing that voice. Your spirit is observing the internal noise of that voice and the external world around you. 

 

You are not the angel or devil on your shoulder who are arguing back and forth, justifying a decision or trying to be right. You are the witness listening to these internal dialogues. 

 

The witness is not biased one way or another. The witness just exists. Without judgement or attachment to any kind of an outcome. 

 

We should tap in to recharge, gain perspective, and refuel. Feel the bliss and know that our essence will always be ok. 

 

Does this mean we just sit by and watch the wheels go round and round? I don’t know, but I do not think so. 

 

Religion and spiritual teachings ask us to tap in AND to use our human skills and abilities to do good things in the world.

 

We are not meant to sit completely idle.

 

We need to get off the mat or prie-dieu and do our work in the world. 

 

That work is to make the world a better place than we found it. The work involves using our skills and abilities to influence what we can around us in positive ways. The Serenity Prayer is a perfect guide to keeping that balance of  our circle of control, our circle of influence, where those circles end and where there is little or no control. 

 

Do not be discouraged by what you cannot change. Be the change you want to see. 

 

The strength to accept what can’t be changed,

The courage to change what you can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

 

 

When this is difficult to do, you can always tune back within: 

 

“There is a voice that doesn’t use words, listen” ~Rumi

 

 

And you know what else? This spirit within me – sees that same Spirit within you! 

 

Or as modern day multi-media artist Morgan Harper Nichols writes: “The same light you see in others is shining within you, too.”

 

It’s easier to recognize the spirit in others when you can access it yourself. 

 

Namaste 

 

 

 

 

 

Life on Life’s Terms. 3 Years of Recovery

Posted on by Esterina Anderson

Today. Friday. A day off for me. New Moon. 3 years to the date marking my Sobriety Anniversary.

I sit in the flexible office/yoga/art room. It’s the space within our home that is mine alone.

I sit in butterfly pose on my mediation cushion. I play a yogic playlist that I used to teach with and hadn’t heard in at least 4 years. It is familiar yet new at the same time.

The lovely backdrop of construction noise and banging takes place outside my door and below me on the floor.

In front of me is a pile of stuff that will be used “sometime soon”. Sometime soon started last June when our construction project began.

My husband pops by on a quick work break to say hello on the way to the bathroom. He looks in my office/yoga/art room and tells me the scene is “So You”.

Yes. This is me. Right now in this moment in time. Living life on life’s terms. Construction, piles of things, and me trying in the midst of it all to stay centered and be me.

3 years ago was a different story. I went to bed at 4am after being in the Emergency Room for not being able to come off a panic attack. I hyperventilated for hours. I had to appear in court in the morning for an arrest so I must have slept 2 hours at most. As I lay in the ER in the hallway (because naturally there is no space on a random February Monday evening) I couldn’t believe the low I had gotten myself into.

I didn’t know where to go, who to reach out to. What the next step was.

It was then I surrendered. In the hall of Yale New Haven’s Emergency Department. I took the first step that AA’s 12 Steps Teaches and surrendered. I lost control. I had no control to start with. Alcohol had control over me. I accepted that.

Every day when I sat down to drink the first perfectly chilled glass of chardonnay, I would turn on my soap opera. Commercials were still part of the app I watched it on at the time, and there was a recurring ad for a program called Aware Recovery. Every day I would think that I should probably call them. There was no time better than the moment to look into this. I put in a request for information on my smartphone right there in the hall in the middle of the night.

Aware Recovery called me back the next morning while I was in court waiting to be seen. I remember telling the person on the phone where I was. I was expecting shock and disgust but what the person told me is that they’d been in my exact position and they can help. I cried with relief when hearing that. Relief for not being judged. Relief for knowing there is help and knowing that someone in my position was able to come back from something like this.

The next few days and weeks were a blur. Aware Recovery stepped up. At the time I didn’t know I would need to rely on a community to help me get through recovery or who if anyone I had already known would be a part of what I didn’t even know I needed, but it works out if you surrender. It is done one step at a time. Metaphorically. Literally. Step one was to surrender. The moment I did that for real, really real – the rest started to fall into place. You have to want it and to surrender. It’s the easiest/hardest part.

One still needs to work. The community can’t do it for you.

I can write and list all the lessons I learned, thank all the people who did a part either willingly or unknowingly to help, talk about the metaphors, the work, the yoga, my own journey – but I’ve done that many times.

Today I’m just thankful for where I am and can attest to anyone who isn’t sure they should, can or want to quit drinking – that they can really do it. Life is better without it. If you think you need it, it helps you, it tastes good – some might be true, but there are healthier ways without the risk of becoming addicted to get the benefits you seek.

I’m still me, only better.

This was me before – this is me now. I’m just not inebriated, angry, silly, prone to being triggered, or prone to risky behavior – drunk texting, flirting, driving…. It’s just me without the risks, calories, costs, and cravings.

I love to knit. Particularly to knit big chunky cozy blankets.

I love plants and gardening.

I love yoga and meditation.

I love reading, particularly spiritual books.

I love living by the water and all things nautical.

I love painting, drawing and creating art.

Life on life’s terms. It’s an AA term I love. It’s not just people in recovery this applies to. It’s an awesome way to accept life.

I’ve been living through a construction project. My house has been noisy and dusty and at times I felt like I have been losing my mind. The past 3 years taught me many lessons like this in different ways.

This is life. We can either accept it and feel free or fight it and feel like a prisoner on someone else’s terms. Life isn’t going to stop being hard because you stop drinking. But you will be able to accept life as it shows up without pain.

This is my life and I accept it.

Everyone’s life is different, full of what they love and cherish and contain stuff, people, circumstances that they really wish wasn’t there.

Who ever said life would be anything other than good, bad and everything in between?

This is my life. You have yours and maybe your story or someone you love’s story involve(d/s) addictive substances too. There is a community of us who have recovered from addition and want to help anyone who wants help in the ways they know how to.

This is one way I know how – reaching out, sharing, sending love and being available.

Namaste.

Sufi Breathing Techniques

Posted on by Esterina Anderson

Sufi Breathing

Relaxation Technique

The following series of Elemental Purification Breaths come to us through one of the lineages of Sufi teachings. This is a perfect focusing and centering practice to begin your day, and takes only the time of 25 breaths. It can be used as a short and simple meditation practice in itself, or as a warm-up breathing relaxation technique to focus the mind for another meditation practice you may choose to do.

  1. (Bhu Mudra) Begin by breathing naturally in and out through your nostrils for five full breath cycles. This first series of five breaths is focused on purifying your¬self with the element of earth. As you inhale, imagine that you draw the energy and magnetism of the earth up into you. It circulates through your subtle energy systems and replenishes and renews the vitality and strength of Your body.

As you exhale, imagine that the magnetic field of the earth draws all the heavy, gross elements or energies within you down into the ground to be purified and released. With each breath, you feel revitalized, lighter, less dense, and clearer to the free flow of breath, life, energy.

  • (Jala Mudra) Then with a second series of five breaths, imagine purifying yourself with the energy of water. Inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth, envision a waterfall of pure, clear energy pouring down into you from the heavens above, flowing through you, and dissolving, purifyinganything within you that might block the flow of life-energy moving through you. With each breath, you are washed clean and clear, as this stream of energy and light flows through you.
  • (Surya Mudra) With the next series of five breaths, purify yourself with the element of fire.Inhaling through your mouth and exhaling through your nostrils, let the breath flow focus at your solar plexus as you inhale, and then rise up and radiate as light from your heart-center, shining out between your shoulder blades, and like a fountain of light up through the crown of your head. Inhaling fire, exhaling light, envision and affirm that this circulation of energy is a purifying fgire gathering any remaining impurities or congestion and burning them into radiance and light in the fires of your heart.
  • (Vayu mudra) With the next cycle of breaths, imagine purifying yourself with the air element. Inhaling and exhaling through your mouth, imagine the air element sweeping through you like the wind blowing through the spaces of your whole body, purifying any sense of density or obstruction that may remain.
  • (Akasha Mudra) Finally, breathing very gently through your nostrils, envision yourself being purified by the most subtle element – the “ether” element of the ancients, or the most subtle energies that infuse space, or the quantum field of infinite potentials. Let this most subtle breath dissolve any remaining sense of solidity or density and let your heart and mind open to be clear and vast like the infinite sky.

On Making your Bed

Posted on by Esterina Anderson

I am told a good life starts in the morning with making your bed. 

Do you make your bed? 

I’ve heard all reasons of why folks do or don’t make their bed. It is a personal decision. But research shows that people who make their bed are more successful, productive and happier. 

I make my bed. I feel energetically better when I do. The room appears neater and I don’t feel schlepy when I crawl back in it at night. 

I have also heard people say “why bother?”, it’s only going to get messy again. 

There is truth to that. But your body will also get dirty after you shower. Most of us don’t skip showers for that reason. 

A lot of people tell me they don’t do yoga or meditate because they aren’t flexible or their minds don’t work that way or they aren’t flexible enough. A funny line in the yoga world is: 

“Saying you don’t do yoga because you aren’t flexible is like saying you are too dirty to take a shower”.

Taking it a step closer would be to say that you are too out of shape to exercise.

I hate to break it to you – we are all the same. Our bodies and minds need maintenance and when we don’t maintain them we have a monkey mind and we get out of shape. It’s really that simple. Yes there are exceptions but almost all of them can be overcome. 

We can skip cleaning our spaces and making our beds (or weeding our gardens- literally and metaphorically)- but while we are at it, why not skip that shower too? And why bother to exercise? Won’t we become atrophic again when we stop?

To live is to maintain. To live well is to maintain everything about our lives. Our health, our habits, our homes, our finances, our pets… and even our minds. They can all go to pot if we skip the maintenance and loose sight of their health. 

Yes- this takes up a lot of the day, but it’s worth the clean and cleared space because what you see around you directly affects what you feel inside you. You can feel it in your energy if you quiet your mind and get in touch with it. 

So make your bed and see if anything changes around you. 

Namaste 

“If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed. This is perhaps the most famous line from Making your bed to perfection each morning is a reminder that if you do the little things right, it makes the big things possible.”

Admiral McRaven

https://www.sec.gov/news/speech/miller-translate-military-lessons-entrepreneurship#:~:text=If%20you%20want%20to%20change,makes%20the%20big%20things%20possible.

On Self-Compassion

Posted on by Esterina Anderson

This morning I spent a little time creating a short yoga class that I will be providing at work on Monday. The Employee Health program is focusing on Self-Compassion and holding some events and classes that support this important concept.

From the definition on the Employee Health flier: Self-Compassion is the ability to turn compassion inward toward oneself, especially when we believe we fail, make a mistake or feel inadequate. 

How often do we focus on our heart? Take a moment to think about this amazing organ that relentlessly beats and gives you life.

Consider what your heart would tell your brain when you are down or have a negative dialogue ruminating in your head.

The heart generates 2-3 watts of energy through an electrical stimulus called the sinus node (or SA node). Your heart is the only thing in your body that generates its own electrical current from seemingly nowhere.

Where does this electricity comes from?

It is said the heart is connected to a larger energetic field linked to the universe.

Decade long studies show the heart has it’s own intelligence, neurological system and electromagnetic field. Additionally, these studies show that the heart’s intelligence is actually much larger and more powerful than the brain’s. Reference

We aren’t taught to consult the heart as a center of intelligence. If you listen to your heart, what would it tell you about self-compassion?

Consider self compassion and the way you treat yourself. How do you feel when a mistake was made, something didn’t happen that you wished would or your own level of adequacy? How does your heart feel about it? It is still in there beating, loving you and providing life for you.

As you go about the rest of the day and month where the American Heart Association focus’ on heart health, consider committing to catching yourself anytime you might not be as loving to yourself as your heart wishes it might be.

Be your own Valentine and treat yourself with kindness, compassion and understanding just the way your own beating heart does for you.

Namaste

Esterina

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On Rainbows

Posted on by Esterina Anderson

This morning I was doing mantras on my beloved mala beads off the Exuma Islands in the Bahamas on our good friend’s catamaran. 

It suddenly started to drizzle, then rain – quite abruptly and hard. My husband who was doing his own yoga on the other hull and I ran to the back of the boat where we were greeted with a beautiful rainbow.

Wow… It stopped me in my tracks. How beautiful. And how beautiful to see a full rainbow on the horizon. We are so lucky.

I couldn’t help but think of the state of Ukraine and her beautiful human citizens who are not so lucky. These past few days I have instinctively wanted to use personal mantra to will something positive or hopeful to the outcome of this unnecessary war. But I also remembered that mantra is personal and will not work for anyone outside yourself. I briefly wondered just then as I have for the past several mornings why then do we use group mantra to raise consciousness or send faith outward? 

The answer was in front of me. 

The rainbow. I marveled at the colors. The anagram of ROY G BIV that I learned around the kindergarten years. The order holds true no matter where you are. 

About 10 years ago while listening to U2’s song Ultraviolet, I contemplated and then researched the meaning of colors and the length of their spectrums. As I started to get back into art a few years later, I considered the meaning of colors even more. The way they blend, and how a color wheel can seem continuous from red to purple, it’s really not. Purple to red is the only place on the wheel that isn’t quite part of nature. What happens between those two? Is there a real place between them? 

White light contains it all. The earth bends the suns rays and we get the rainbow to the visible eye. But what is beyond that? We know about infrared and ultraviolet, but what is there that we can’t see or detect with the combination of instruments and our 5 senses? 

Universally red is considered basic and instinctive while purple is considered spiritual and highly conscious. Red is larger and takes up more space on the rainbow. Purple is smaller and is only accessed by passing all of the rainbow’s outer colors. 

What lies past purple going inward?

What can’t we see?

I stared at this gem that appears when the elements of fire (sun) and water mix into the element of air seemingly right into the element of earth’s horizon. 

The purple color starts to go within. 

Going within is the key. It’s the path to something deeper, meaningful and what isn’t just a mirage or hologram, but what is real and we can’t see or detect with our eyes. 

We can all go within and quiet the mind of excuses, fears, worries, selfish desires, etc to find the right answer to anything. The answer that is ultimately right for the world, not just the human who is asking. 

Those fears, excuses, desire, etc are the other “colors” you need to pass through in order to find the peace within. 

The place within where field or maybe plane of existence of the personal self does not matter. What matters is what is real and what is for the greater good. 

So perhaps the question I wondered about mantras for personal matters vs mantras for others was right there in the rainbow. It is the bridge between personal self and greater good. I can do mantra to seek my own higher consciousness, which is ultimately for the greater good. Or I can chant with others in community for the greater good. 

It all works if the intention is to leave all the material and selfish behind and pray for peace and harmony for all. 

ALL. 

Regardless of species, race, skin or hair color, or beliefs anyone was taught. 

If you truly truly go within, you too will know that none of anything material or visible matters if what you wish for others is what you want for yourself. 

Just some of my deeper thoughts this morning. 

Namaste

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The Chakras and Lent – Weeks 5-7

Posted on by Esterina Anderson

We are a product of nature. The things we do, the thoughts we have, and the habits we gain or lose mimic the physical world around us.

I would liken trying to do something or working toward a goal to climbing a mountain. At first it is very difficult. The road is all uphill. Once you reach the top you can pause and take inventory of what is around you. The road down is easy and faster.

I have really, really, really slacked on the past few weeks of keeping up with the 7 weeks of lent. I posted the last blog for the 4thweek and the heart chakra 11 days ago already. Palm Sunday is only 4 days away.

I have been blogging about the journey toward shedding old habits for lent and relating the journey to opening the 7 chakras during this 7-week period; while on my own sobriety journey.

While the chakras themselves are aligned from dense to light, so is the work. The motivation varies. My writing has reflected the motivation. I can explain further.

At first when making the firm decision to give something up like many Christians do for lent, there is a lot of motivation to do this. The will is there and it is something we think about constantly. As we start up a long mountain road one step at a time, it seems like a really huge task that will require a lot of work to get to the other side. Each step feels momentous.

As we continue up the mountain and toward the habit we can see the progress, but the road ahead is still long. 

As the weeks go on, the actually shedding of the habit could be as difficult as the start of the journey up the mountain. At some point we reach the top and are able to look around and see the beauty of our work. But it is not over – we still need to go back down. Going back is so much faster and easier. 

I took most of this time to get to the summit. 

Last weekend my husband came over to where I am staying. I hadn’t seen him in nearly 6 weeks. We talked and caught up on all that we have missed. We enjoyed one another’s company. We went out for dinner and had tapas. We had breakfast the next morning and we spent much of Sunday talking and walking the dog. We decided to put our rings back on and see where the next few months takes us. We will continue to live apart and came up with a living arrangement that works for the both of us. I’m excited about this journey with him. As excited as I have been about my own individual recovery. 

From that point the last few days have seemed easier. Akin to coming down the mountain. I’ve slept better than I have in over a month. I’m more focused. I’m more determined than ever to stay on this new path. I’m on the other side of the mountain now. It is a new place I have not seen before. I do not know what it will bring or what other mountains I need to climb, but I’m excited and I really don’t want to know. Discovery is part of the fun. 

To wrap up this chakra series I will write about the last 3 in one blog. 

The 5th Chakra is Vishuddhi. It is also known as the throat chakra. It is blue and located in the region of the throat. 

The 6th Chakra is Ajna. It is known as the Third Eye. It is Indigo or in some places it is shown as violet. This chakra is located right between the eyebrows. One of my teachers often quotes that we have two eyes to look out, and one to look in. 

The 7th Chakra is Sahasrara or the Crown chakra. Depending on what material you read this chakra is violet, white or crystal – meaning it contains all the colors of the spectrum. It is located at the top of the head. 

The three below symbols are in order from 5, 6, and 7. I painted these in January of this year.

Throat chakra 

In this area we use our voice. We speak up and communicate what we believe in. Similar to the Root Chakra, the triangle points upwards. In this location it symbolizes “the gathering of knowledge toward enlightenment”. The Vishuddhi chakra has 16 petals. There are also 16 vowels in Sanskrit. The number of petals symbolize the light, breathy sounds of vowels and liken this to the quality of air.

The element associated with Vishuddhi is air. We communicate through air either through voice, audibly with vibrational or radio waves, written language that see with our eyes through the medium of air, or even telepathy. 

The throat chakra is associated with truth, self-expression and communication. Communication not only with others, but within toward our own self and our higher power. When in balance it is easier to communicate with others and to be honest with ourselves. When this chakra is not in balance, we may experience a communication breakdown. We may not be able to allow ourselves to be effectively heard or able to really listen to others or our own higher self. All that passes through this area can either help or hinder the opening of this area be it love and truth or lying, gossip, smoking, drugs and overeating. 

Third Eye

The seat of intuition. The downward facing triangle here “represents the knowledge and lessons of the lower six chakras being gathered and expanded into your divine consciousness” There are only two petals on this symbol Lens Eye writesthis “ transparent lotus flower with two white petals, [is] said to represent the nadis (psychic channels) Ida and Pingala, which meet the central Sushumna nadi before rising to the crown chakra, Sahasrara” These two nadis from my understanding are major energy changes that run through the body. They are similar to the Yin Yang in that Pingala contains Yang qualities and Ida contains Yin qualities. They help to keep us in balance. 

The element associated with the Ajna chakra is ether. Or space. Or Light. It is something lighter than air that connects us all with one another and the unseen. It is an element that remains more of a mystery because we know it is there but it’s not as tangible as the others. This element and the third eye are the gateway between the known and unknown.

The qualities of this chakra are intuition, inspiration and inner vision. When in balance we are able to trust our intuition and tap into our creative imagination. When out of balance it may be difficult to channel our energy toward goals.

Crown Chakra 

The Sahasrara Chakra is the divine connection to all that is. The circle holds the risen energy and there are innumerable petals of the lotus. 

There is no element associated with this chakra. It is pure consciousness. 

The qualities of the Crown Chakra are divinity and limitless wisdom. It helps us to recognize our true nature and our connection to all that is. When in balance we are able to connect with the world around us and partake in the serene understanding that we are all one. When out of balance it is difficult to see through the chatter of the mind and we may be consumed with the accumulation of stuff and other distracting activities that cut us off from our true nature and connection to everything else. 

Similar to Maslow’s triangle, the top is smaller and easier to transverse. The qualities associated with the upper chakras are where we begin to understand ourselves and how we fit into the universe and can use our gifts to aid in it. At the top part of the Hierarchy of Needs we find, morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of prejudice, and acceptance of the facts. 

It is if all the chakras are clear and the connection from the base of our humanity is directly in contact with the celestial world where we accept things as they are and use our tools and gifts to navigate the cosmic waves. 

I love this quote. We cannot control the sea, but we can control what we do in it. Once we accept the world as it is and people as they are, we can learn to use our own tools to not be afraid and navigate with ease. 

I have been writing about the koshas for the past several weeks. The 5th and inner most kosha is the Anandamaya kosha. It is known as the “bliss body” or the “bliss sheath”. It is where we connect to our higher self that is always here within us in a central, calm, harmonious state. This serene, still place cannot be affected by outer circumstances. 

All three of the higher chakras (throat, third eye and crown) are associated with the Anandamaya kosha. 

Only the Throat chakra and the Third eye have seed mantras. 

The Crown chakra’s sound is silence. 

The seed mantra for the Vishuddhi chakra is HAM.  

The seed mantra for the Ajna chakra is AUM or more commonly said as OM. 

Chanting HAM when creating a new habit would assist with the desire the hear your inner voice more clearly to make better decisions. Chanting AUM would assist with connecting to your intuition to do what is right. 

Of the three higher chakras, only the Throat chakra has a prana vayu associated with it. Udana is known to govern speech, growth, and upward movement. It helps to promote mental clarity. The triangle pointing upward in my artistic version above symbolically pulls the energy up from the lower body to the higher parts of the self. 

As we reach the summit of molding new habits or breaking old ones, it becomes easier. We tell ourselves more truths, it is more difficult to make excuses and easier to listen to our intuition and higher selves when an old craving starts to creep around. That upward moving energy of the three higher chakras makes the end easier than the beginning where every step was an effort. Similar to how it would be coming down from a mountain.

Today is day 42 in my sobriety. Lent is almost over and all of those who have chosen this sanctified time to give up a habit have almost hit their sacred 40 day mark. In my first blog I wrote about the sanctity of the number 40 and why it is a marker in many religions and texts. 

Living without an old habit should be easier by now and hopefully a new lifelong practice is in place. If you have gone over your own big mountain as I have, you are in a new place too. I’m thrilled to be here. It’s a place I have not gone before. There is a new path to navigate, new unknown places to check out, and undoubtedly new mountains to climb. With the knowledge and lessons learned from finishing this recent climb, we now have some firsthand tools to make the next one a bit easier. 

Hopefully you learned a thing or two about your energetic system and the chakras along the way and can keep them open and flowing for your upcoming life’s adventures. 

Some poses to keep these last 3 chakras open are:

  • Throat chakra: Neck stretches, Shoulder stand, Bridge, Fish 
  • Third Eye chakra: Forehead to ground – as in Child’s pose
  • Crown chakra: Inversions, particularly head stand

My last 3 short videos cover a few more basics and are not particularly aligned with the suggested poses above.

I cover Downward facing dog in Week 5, the Half-lift in Week 6, and finally Tree in Week 7. Tree to balance it all out – because hey… who doesn’t need some more balance in their lives?

So grab a mat and let’s do a little tune up on these basics.

Thanks for taking this journey with me.

Namaste! 

The Chakras and Lent – Week 1

The Chakras and Lent – Week 2

The Chakras and Lent – Week 3

The Chakras and Lent – Week 4

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The Chakras and Lent – Week 4

Posted on by Esterina Anderson

This is another week I have been very hesitant to write. An even more emotional week as I journey through sobriety. The emotions I am facing are difficult, but when I truly accept in my heart what others are telling me out of love, it is uplifting and feels like years of emotions are spread.

I hit one month of sobriety this week and was given a one-month coin electronically. 

Week 4 of lent. Perhaps many days into giving up an old habit that no longer serves you. It may be a time when the new habit or letting go of the old one is really taking shape and we start to feel the rewards. We may question why we were doing what we were doing in the first place. We may feel like beating ourselves up for doing something stupid, waiting so long or not even seeing the harm it was causing. 

The fourth chakra is the Annahata chakra or the Heart chakra. It is green. Unsurprisingly this chakra is located at the heart. 

Below is my painting of the Anahata chakra.  

The heart chakra is right in between the 3 upper and 3 lower chakras. The two triangles that are upside down from one another symbolize this connection. According to Learn The Meaning Behind Each Chakra, Anahata “Fuels your compassion towards yourself and others…. The six-point star in combination with the 12 petals in this symbol represents your 72,000 energy channels, or nadis (6,000 x 12 = 72,000). This is also representative of how Anahata is the central chakra that connects the whole system”.

In a way I feel as if this week I have been able to start to move away from the focus of myself to how I have related to others. This is not a new expedition, but it is one that I am looking through a new lens. A lens that does not involve alcohol. A lens that doesn’t get blurred when I don’t like what I see and drown it away. Without a mind-numbing substance, it’s far more difficult to not feel all of life’s emotions, the good/bad/ugly. My heart is there and feeling as it never has before and the sludge of inebriation doesn’t cover all that the heart is trying to tell me. 

Someone who asked me to not mention them in their blogs had a very difficult and honest conversation with me last weekend. This person never told me the things they had before about ways in which I had hurt them. The things they said sounded familiar – as other family members have told me the same thing before; but due to circumstances I would rather not get detailed about; I was unable to take them seriously. 

I apologized profusely. I heard & acknowledged their pain. But I was shocked and very upset that this person never told me this before and was now quite angry with me. I was immobilized for hours and cried non-stop. My heart actually hurt and was undulating waves of pain. As it started to get dark out several hours later, I felt like I had to get out of the place I was staying. I went for a drive and cried some more. I had a strong desire to write, but I had nothing but my phone with me. I went into Walgreens and bought a notebook. I sat outside and started to write, and write and write. Pen to paper, like I haven’t done in years. I wrote about how hurt I felt. About why this person and seemingly everyone else around me are deciding now to tell me what they don’t like about me as I’m working my way through these early days of sobriety. I was feeling sorry for myself. 

At some point I somehow made my way into just writing things I did not want to admit that I don’t like about myself (my shadow side). I was digging deep to keep finding more things after I exhausted what was at the surface. As I took them from my mind onto paper, I was surprised and also relieved to see these in a tangible manner. My first instinct was to destroy this paper afterward, but I kept looking at what I wrote. 

Slowly I was able to look at these “things” and make a connection about what people have told me they worried about. It propelled me to begin writing all the things I have remembered they said that I didn’t believe or acknowledge before. Sitting out in the cold, I realized with both surprise and relief that I do these things. I do them, they are not ok and I have justified them. 

As long as I could remember I did not even understand that certain things were not ok. There was a point in my not so distant past where I did realize they were not ok by other’s standards and did what was needed for everyone else’s sake; but in my heart I still felt they w ere ok. That evening my heart too understood what was not ok. I was overwhelmed with grief at this realization. I wanted to run and apologize, but it is going to take a long time down the sobriety path for those who were close to me to grasp that I really am finished with alcohol. 

What may have happened to me last weekend as I wrote and felt sorry for myself and then compassion for others was where the heart chakra joined my higher and lower self. 

I’m visiting with my aunt in Florida at the moment I am writing this. A few nights ago over dinner she told me something about how she understood my husband. When I woke up in the middle of the night (as I always do these days), in the twilight of my consciousness I thought about her words; and again – like a veil being quickly lifted from my eyes this time; I was able to see something else that so many people have told me. People who love me dearly and others who are quite neutral. I started a separate blog about this. I did not cry but I was overcome with emotion. I actually stopped and decided to lay there in the dark and just allow my heart to feel and process the emotions. I remembered to do some of the grounding techniques that I have learned over the years while I just let myself feel and process. It was exhausting to be honest. I fell back to sleep (which is unusual) and woke up feeling like I understood something new. 

The heart is the only part of our body that makes its own electricity. That electricity gives us life and connects us to the energy in the world that we interact with. We don’t know precisely where energy comes from. It is as if the heart connects the physical world to the spiritual. In the same way it connects the 3 lower chakras (basic survival & human connection needs), with the 3 upper chakras that provide a deeper understanding of the cosmos and our role within them. 

What truly connects us to everything else is love and acceptance. There is a reason why we equate love with the heart. When we open our hearts, we feel the universal love that is all around us. As we allow it to penetrate our own being, we become more accepting of the world around us just as it is. 

Of the 5 elements (earth, water, fire, air and ether), the Anahata chakra is associated with the mobile, light, cool, dry element of air. Air is what we breath in. It is how that life force of prana I wrote about in week 2 moves about. The heart and the breath are what sustain life. When those ultimately stop, so does the life energy. The body is still physically there, but the conscious life that propelled it to move, think and act in the physical world is no longer. 

The quality of this chakra is love. To accept and love all that we encounter as it is; to accede that life is oneness. It is nearly impossible to love and accept if we are not comfortable and love ourselves first and foremost. If we can’t forgive ourselves and understand our own human nature, we cannot give that gift to others. Our hearts are ultimately blocked from living life in an open and fulfilling way. When we open the heart chakra and experience self-love, we can then be open to the unconditional love of all else. 

I think on Maslow’s triangle this chakra falls between last week’s layer of friendship, intimacy, sense of connection and the next layer of the triangle where respect, self-esteem, strength, and inner freedom reside.

Self-esteem. I always thought I had self-esteem. I now question if I do, because I am not sure if I love myself. While I lived about in the world as I have most of my life and no one challenged my behaviors, I felt good with myself. Now that I have been challenged, I have to take a step back and question why I couldn’t see what I see now. Why was I confident? 

This is a tricky part. I know I should still love myself. I did not intend harm, in fact almost every intention I have had in life was out of love unless I felt under threat and reacted as if my life were at stake (oh the lovely tribulations of PTSD). But it’s difficult to take a step back and acknowledge that I hurt people that I love and/or think very highly of. It’s challenging to accept that I did harm (unintentionally of course). I love the saying, “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions”.  Having an intension and carrying out love are not the same. I do ultimately love myself, but it’s a little shrouded with surprise and wonder about how blocked I was. My self-esteem has dwindled. 

I can’t help but think of the line in the Lords Prayer – “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”. If we can’t forgive ourselves, if we can’t forgive others, we cannot receive it back; because it means we truly do not understand it and the power of freedom that it possesses. Love and forgiveness are in a way very similar. 

There is no way I can move about the world with love and acceptance of others, until I love and accept everything about myself. Just as it is.  I will get there. I just need a little time to process how I have lived my life until this point. Just on the other side of acknowledging the discomfort of this, is love and freedom. 

It’s important to move past this when shredding old habits or building new ones. There is a reason we usually want to give up something we don’t like. Although it does, it shouldn’t come to a surprise when we do let something go or create something better that we can learn how the previous behaviors were causing damages that we were unaware of. All the previous self-esteem or self-love in the world could knock someone down with a harsh realization of the harm one has done. Either to themselves, the environment or others. Accept it, process it, and move on (easier said than done…).

When the Heart or Anahata chakra is in balanced and open we feel the universal connection to love. Our heart feels both full and content. We express our outer selves with our inner values. There is nothing blocking that direct connection. Not substances, habitual actions or habits, addictions, excuses, blindness to how actions hurt… Just a direct flow of what we intend from inside to the outside. 

When this chakra is out of balance we feel withdrawn, lonely, possessive, jealous… It is difficult to understand ourselves & others. Without that that balance we cannot forgive. We hold grudges. We try to keep the heart safe, but we are really hurting it by limiting its potential to love and to be free. 

I have been writing about the koshas and how they are like 5 sheaths that are layered in between our own individual light or soul and the outside world.  The 4th sheath is called Vijnanamaya. It is known as the wisdom sheath. The Yoga Sanctuary writes “Vijnanamaya encompasses intuition and intellect. It can be thought of as the witness mind, or that aspect of our consciousness that is not entangled in what we are doing or thinking, but rather, acutely aware of what we are doing and thinking. Vijnanamaya kosha is awareness, simply put.”    

Our heart knows better. It is the other layers of the koshas and the strong human/animalistic pull toward base emotions and survival (lower chakras) that prevent us from clearly hearing what our inner goodness is communicating to our mind. 

The seed mantra for the Anahata chakra is YAM. One way to harness the power of this sound would be to chant it with the intention to be aware without judgement or emotion of how we and others are interacting with the world. I justified all kinds of reasons about why I was drinking. I was not looking from a neutral role at my situation. Only when I accept that the reasons I used to justify drinking were because I did not want to stop yet, will I have the power to stop. I believed my own reasons and was entangled in what I was doing and thinking. YAM helps to clear that entanglement and just see things as they are. 

As I have written in the earlier weeks, the Prana Vayus are the 5 ways in which energy or life force moves throughout the body. The prana vayu associated with the root chakra is called Prana. The Prana Vayu is centered in the chest around the heart and is known as “forwarding moving air”, it is directed inward and upward. This vayu directs the other four. It makes a good case for how life should flow from the heart region. And how life (prana) is connected within and around the heart space. 

As we are in the thick of lent and hopefully conquering whatever we gave up , use of the Prana Vayu can help to propel us up and forward to a new and better future. One that we are in charge of and are directing. 

Yoga poses that aid in opening the heart center are ones in which the heart is open such as sphinx, cobra, locust, bow, camel, fish, puppy pose, upward facing dog, cow, reverse table, flip dog, dancer, low & high lunges with an arched back, wheel, bridge, and warrior 1 to name a few. Cow is one of the easier ones to do because there is a lot of support while you are on all fours. It is important to ensure you come into your cow and push the heart out and open from a solid table foundation. 

This week’s back to the basics pose is Table Top pose. Table is mostly a transitional pose but there are many poses that are built directly from it such as cat, cow, sunbird, rainbow, gate, and childs. Before moving into any of those it’s important to have the start from table down pat. So… grab a mat & let’s practice some table. 

Until next week! 

The Chakras and Lent – Week 1

The Chakras and Lent – Week 2

The Chakras and Lent – Week 3

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On How it Takes a Village

Posted on by Esterina Anderson

Last Friday was my birthday. Before the invention of Facebook and smart phone, my family would always call. I would get a few cards in the mail from family, in-laws and old friends. It felt very special.

For the past 12 years-ish, it is an avalanche of birthday greetings on social media, text and messenger apps. The calls and cards are nearly gone. Times have shifted. It is very nice, but it does not feel as authentic. Quantity does not trump quality. 

Every handful of people takes some extra time to write a few lines about how happy they are for me, or how they see my pictures and it looks like I’m doing so well. It is kind of them to put in the effort to reach out and say something specific to me. However, I realized last week that they are only seeing the façade that social media unwittingly enforces.  

We’ve all fallen prey to believing what we see, forgetting that as humans we aren’t capturing painful moments with our cameras; or putting out the dirty laundry for the world to see. Social media platforms are full of the good times, the beautiful moments, platitudes of gratitude, showcasing political affiliations, hating on articles or something that happened to you, asking for prayers for a situation, etc.

But how many people are being truly real? How many people do you see wear their heart on their sleeves or share with the world how they are suffering with personal issues? Or tell the world their worries about their loved ones (outside of disease or death)? 

I find it ironic when I talk to people off of social media that I do not know too well; they will comment that I wouldn’t understand something they are telling me because I don’t have issues with my family, that my kids went to college, or that I have a healthy life. I question why they think this, but it’s obvious that they see my feed where it’s tulips and daisies. 

I’ve used my blog in the past to communicate more heart wrenching stories. Honest truths about things I suffer with and unpleasant things that have happened. Most who read it thank me for being open because it helps them to realize we are all alike and suffer similarly. Some others question how I can possibly put it all out there? I’ve even been accused of being too negative on my blogs.

Yikes. You can’t win. 

I don’t post or blog for anyone’s benefit. I don’t post to make people feel good or bad. I post and write from my heart about what I’m experiencing in that moment. Life’s moments are not all good. It’s just as normal to feel negative emotions as it is to feel positive ones. So why pretend we are always happy and that everything is great? 

I’m day 18 into sobriety.

On February 8th I had an alcohol induced mental breakdown and went a bit crackers. It has resulted situation I never thought I would be in. It damaged relationships and my self-esteem.

I’m getting the level of help I never wanted to ask for because I saw such things only for other people. I believed that only a failed, broken person needs intensive level of services. Where did those beliefs come from?

They came from my environment. From stigmas. From the false belief that something is wrong if you aren’t happy because look around at everyone else – they are blissfully happy. Even though I share the ways in which I’m not happy, most people still see the tulips and daisies.

Human connection is at an all time low. We have so many platforms and mechanisms to communicate, but they strip away authentic relations. It’s easier than ever to show the world only what you want the world to see. When everyone does that, everyone else thinks they are the only ones who suffer and feel more alone and ashamed than ever. 

We end up trying to live up to unrealistic expectations of what it means to live out a human experience. 

I don’t want to do that. 

I have quit drinking for good. I have PTSD and it affects the way I perceive situations. When I drink and my brain slows down all bodily reactions, it also slows down my rational mind to pick up the signals that what is happening around me is not what my body’s fight or flight auto response thinks it is. 

I need help. Help to stop drinking and help to process old trauma that comes up because it would like to leave and finds opportunities when I’m not paying attention (drinking) to burst out. 

I’m getting help. I’m not perfect. Not getting help sooner has done a lot of damage. Some damage cannot be undone. 

It takes a village for each individual to be the best version of themselves. If a village has no real connection and facades of perfection, the result is that the people in the village are going to feel damaged, alone, anxious and depressed. 

Being real is what makes life and relationships real. Without pain there is no opportunity for growth or change. Pain is part of life too. It’s real and no one amongst us doesn’t feel it. 

I am asking anyone reading this who sees me in real life to honor the fact that I am no longer drinking. I’m asking anyone reading to be real with me about your life or anything I’ve done and how it has affected you positively or negatively. 

I’m real. I’m imperfect, angry, sad, hurt and suffering from my past and an unhealthy way of dealing with it (alcohol). I’ve hurt others because of this and trying to make it not true about myself. But I’m also really loving, funny, kind, creative, brainy and friendly. 

I wrote a blog not too long ago about embracing your Shadow self. We all have one. So let’s all embrace our own and learn to live with it and forgive others for their shadow sides as we would like to be forgiven. https://esterinaanderson.com/2020/10/30/on-halloween-and-our-shadow-side/  

I’m asking to be a part of a real village, even if I have to create it myself 

Peace 

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